When you say it was never meant to be I want to scream, ‘Why give her to me at all?’
When you say she isn’t suffering, I know that. It is us left behind that suffer.
When you say it was best that it happened now, I want to know when is best?
When is right for your child to die?
When is enough enough?
Why not let me have one more day?
When you say she is in a better place, for all my faith,
I can’t imagine anywhere better than in my arms.
When you ask me if I’m feeling better, you just remind me that the physical stuff heals
but the pain doesn’t dull much.
When you ask me if I’ll try again, I know can’t have her back,
I don’t want her replaced with someone new,
no matter how much I crave another child.
When you pretend it never happened I feel betrayed and abandoned.
Just because she was so small, and never stood a chance,
doesn’t mean she wasn’t real,
Wasn’t a person,
Isn’t missed every minute of every day.
She didn’t breathe but there are dreams, hopes, a future,
a part of our family missing now.
I ache to feel her, to watch her grow, to have her near, to hear her laugh.
I want you to know that she was part of me and I miss her more than I have words for.
If you want to understand, share my desperation and my tears
If you really are sorry, let me talk about her
Remember my angel,
And let me cry